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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Regrouping

I am making my evenings my own.

I am taking responsibility for the things that aren't happening how I want.

I am changing things around here, slowly, to make home feel like home, to make life feel more right.

I am making time for the things that are important to me.

I am trying very hard to stay focused on my goals and not be drawn off course.

It's hard, but I'm making a difference.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

In retrospect, I have bad timing

I'm going to the doctor in an hour or so for a consult that may result in me getting an ultrasound done on my kidneys. The bad thing is that I'm almost certain they're going to poke me around my torso and ask if it hurts. And it will. From doing push-ups. And squats. For the first time in many, many months. So I'm hoping I can say that, and then they'll be like "Well do ten pushups and ten squats," and I'll do them, then they'll poke me again, and if the pain level changes, they'll assume it's due to the exercise and not my kidneys. That'll be scientific enough, I think. Kidneys aren't affected by exercise. Numerous studies have confirmed that, right?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Everything's quiet, don't worry now

- When I'm running late and happen to catch a bus on the way to school, which allows me to get to class on time, I am so very grateful for the bus driver, the bus system, so many things. I feel like fate knows I'm not a tardy person, but at some point fate's gonna make me get a grip on my oversleeping problem

- I want to write wry, witty things.

- It's going to be May at the end of this week. May. Already!

- This past weekend was: Laundry, The Office, shopping, makeup, dressing up, freezing, eating, drinking, eating, drinking, drinking, taking pictures, dancing, drinking, dancing, taking pictures of fire, laughing, brownies, sleeping, Brawl, strawberry shortcake, looking at houses online, calling home, steak and potatoes, Grey's Anatomy, brownies, homework, frosting

- Trying to figure some things out. If I can do it right, they'll all fall together and it'll be nice. If not, kaboom.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Daily dose of social science

You should read this article on sexual orientation and gender fluidity. I would have phrased certain parts differently, and I don't like that it has a sort of "let's examine this specimen" feel, but CNN does that. That said, it's still interesting and I was surprised to see this type of article with more than just superficial detail appear on my Twitter feed. So read it, and then come back here and talk about it. Ask a question, tell me if you liked it or didn't like it and why, or provide some info/insight from your point of view.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Twitter Poll

I'm thinking of protecting my Twitter updates, just because I can. I know this blog is public and there's tons of stuff on here that strangers could read, but Twitter is a little different and if I can make it private without ticking off my blog readers, I'd like to do that.

So go answer my poll and let me know if the Twitter feed on my blog is a necessary thing, because it won't work with protected updates. Feel free to email or comment if you have suggestions or whatever.

My most reliable dieting plan

I think about what I'd like to have for dessert or as a sinful snack, and then I get distracted by something else and end up forgetting to eat whatever it was I wanted earlier.

Instant calorie curbing. A free gift with your subscription to ADD Daily.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Observations on caring for kitties

As promised, this is a similar post related to cats.

I'm going to write at least the first part as though I'm a bit more of a theist than I am, and I'll even use the term "God" as my omnipotent power noun. It might get a bit more secular (or just less reliant on the faith aspect) as I go along, but I intend to keep the tone and nature of this entry pretty constant throughout.


In my twelve year history with cats, I've noticed a few similarities between how cat owners and cats relate in very similar ways to how God and humans do. When I've first adopted a cat, she has seemed scared, and sometimes angry, to be in a new place. Obie hissed at me initially. Ceri hid behind the water heater. It makes sense though, even if they are in a much nicer place than a cage in a shelter, all of this new world is scary, and can be overwhelming to a little creature like a kitty. For humans, the beginning of a life with purpose, or especially the transition from an unhealthy life to one enriched with spirituality, can be trying on people at first. Humans, however, have the benefit of language among them, and usually have companions to urge them on, keep them going. Much of the time a cat will find herself as the only one of her species in a home, with no one else to ask for help or clarification. She has only a larger, foreign-tongued being to look to for her daily needs and attention. Most cats are not born with an instinct to trust strangers at first, unlike many of their canine counterparts. And I think humans parallel this apsect of personality of cats to some extent, since without some initial explanation or evidence, they would likely be resistant to changing their life dramatically (such as adopting a new purpose in life, to serve, etc.).

But it is with patience, time, and repetitive acts of kindness that a cat owner begins to win over the initially distrusting animal. With a soft voice and tasty nutrititious treats, a cat owner may coax a feline out from behind a couch or water heater, and into a wide open space for the first time. It usually takes many failed attempts before the cat will even begin to open up to the owner. But the owner must be strong, and resist blaming herself or the cat for the lack of relationship. The owner must be vigilant in providing love and support for the cat, or the distrust that existed between them at first may return. Even if the cat misbehaves, or is aggressive towards the owner, those actions should not affect the love that the owner has for her cat. While discipline and admonition is necessary, grudges never improve owner-cat relations and will only create a larger divide between them. Indeed, forgiving is at the heart of cat ownership, and it is something I've struggled with mastering over the years. All of this is similar to the endless love that God has for people, and no matter how they make mistakes or turn their backs on that love, God will always be there for them, wanting them close by, so their relationship can grow stronger.

And all of this love and forgiveness is for a creature that sometimes ceases to acknowledge that the owner exists, except of course when the cat needs something specific. The owner, of course, enjoys providing attention and nourishment to her feline friend, even if the rest of the day the cat is indifferent about the owner's presence. After some time has passed and the cat becomes comfortable around the owner, it is usually easy to see the entitlement with which the cat prances around the home, as though all of these things are for her, and her alone. It is not the owner's place to shed light on this illusion, to tell the cat that all of these things were put there by the owner. And so, a favorite chair near a window becomes the cat's favorite chair. A bookshelf becomes a hiding spot. And if you're lucky, a few places will become spots where the cat wants the owner to be, so that the cat can hop onto her lap and nuzzle.

The cat does not enter into the owner-cat relationship with blind obedience or much trust at all, but over time can come to love the owner's presence in life. If the owner is loving and kind to the cat, the cat is more likely to simply want to spend time with the owner, and may meow for attention rather than just food. I've been greeted at the door by my cats routinely for months now, and it's a joy to come home to happy kitties who are probably happier about your presence than they've been for anything else that day, or at least in the past half hour. It is this type of affection from a cat that I enjoy most, that the cat can go from being afraid of nearly everything, to being happy that I adopted her, and in return, showing me the same affection.

Perhaps the most intriguing thing I've found is that after some time with cats, they are sometimes understanding in ways I would not expect. Despite their independent nature, and sometimes their dislike of being held, I've been touched by their kindness in times of my sadness. When I've felt sad or depressed, or have cried, it is at these times when I love to pick up a soft, fuzzy kitty and bury my face in her side and hold her close to me. I am touched when a cat that does not like being held becomes oddly complacent and understanding in this situation. I don't think they understand exactly how I feel, but I believe they sense something is wrong, while also knowing they are not the cause. And despite their desire for freedom from my arms, they do not struggle or meow, they just let me hold them, cry into their soft fur, and gain strength from their tiny, warm bodies. I don't have a God-human analogy for this situation. I just find it incredibly touching.


My kitties. I love them.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Pascal

(Paul, this isn't the post I said I'd write, it's something different)

On Tuesday after my presentation that I'd been stressing over for several days, Mike and I went to an animal shelter to visit a kitty I'd read about on Craigslist. His name is Pascal. For weeks I'd seen ads for him in the pets section. He was cute and I wondered why no one had adopted him yet. The ads said he was showing signs of stress from being in a cage for so long (about two months). I was sad for Pascal. He seemed so cute, and the videos of him online made him seem really chill and friendly.

We'd planned to go on Sunday, but we weren't sure if the shelter was open (Easter), and we didn't plan well enough to leave in time to get there before it closed anyway. So, instead, we went on Tuesday. Mike and I promised each other we wouldn't adopt a cat on Tuesday. We would go visit, then come home and think about it, and then return to adopt later if that's what we wanted.

Pascal was a big cat, compared to our two smaller females. He wasn't aggressive or even that playful, but surprisingly calm, and almost sad. He seemed to enjoy some attention, but definitely had an independent streak to him. He was so pretty, and I just wanted to pet and hold him until he purred and squinted his eyes all happy-like the way cats do. He seemed sweet, but mostly depressed at his shelter life. I knew our apartment would be a better home, despite the possibility of kitty drama. While we were there, I thought about asking if we could put money down for him, to reserve him, but come back in a day or so to get him after we had arranged the apartment. But we'd agreed not to make decisions yet, so I didn't mention it.

I kept checking the website after we visited, making sure he was still there, but he'd been there so long, I wasn't really worried. Mike and I talked about getting him this weekend sometime, perhaps, or maybe next Monday or Tuesday, depending on how quickly we could set up the apartment how we wanted it so that the cats could live in separate parts at first. I thought about Pascal a lot since Tuesday. I thought about how happy he would be when he got out of the shelter, even if we weren't there all day with him at first. I thought about how I'd do my best not to be too friendly with him, and how I'd let him warm up to me, and just talk to him at first instead of trying to pet him so much. I thought about how neat it would be to have a male cat, especially a big pretty orange cat like him. I thought about how he'd probably flop on the couch with me when I watched television or was reading. I thought about a lot of things, but they were mostly centered around how happy Pascal would be here, and how much love he would get from us.

This afternoon I checked the site again. Pascal was adopted today, by someone else.

I'm happy he's not at the shelter anymore. I know it's good for him. I just wanted to be one of the people to love him. I don't want to sound selfish. I just got a little attached a bit too soon, I guess. *sniff*

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Reasonable

(this is a sort of rant and I'm typing this in iGoogle, so there is less editing and reviewing than usual; also I am rawr right now so you're gonna hear about it; not angry at anyone who reads this, I heart all of you)

I think I'm going back on something I've written about in the past, and since I'm admitting that to begin with, I'd appreciate some understanding from you folks who have been reading my stuff for a while. Sometimes it takes me a while to come around on an idea, so maybe I have it right this time.

I'm so freaking tired of oversensitive people. I cannot stand it when people go out of the way to find something that offends them, excludes them, or somehow steps on their toes.

I think at some point before I talked about how everyone should be horrendously considerate and accepting, and while I'm not going to throw all of those words in the toilet, I should probably use some hedge clippers liberally on my original standing.

It does bother me when people make big general assumptions about other people, especially classes of people (e.g. women, a specific race, a specific religion, etc.). I am bothered by obvious sexism, racism, religion-ism (is there a better word for this? Persecution?), and I'll call out people on things without feeling bad about it, especially if I feel that they are making false or terribly uneducated claims.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I am not bothered when I see somewhat misguided statements as long as it's not a personal attack on a specific person or persons, because I accept the fact that not everyone has the same background/education/life views as I do, and I'm cool with that. Really. I also just don't like being angry.

You sure sound angry, Ki Two...

Good call! I am. I am tired of witnessing people sneakily put eggshells under everyone else's feet and then throw a fit when someone cracks one of them. It bothers me not only because the eggshell-cracker usually doesn't mean any harm with his/her beliefs/statements/actions, but also because increasing the amount of anger in a community (no matter the size) is quite counter-productive and usually does not help encourage different groups of people* to communicate in ways that are free of hostility.

I appreciate and admire the outlook on life that no one is out to get you. I also admire people who don't care what other people think about them (this especially goes for people whose opinions clash with mine, more power to you). The people I don't admire are those who create conflict over semantics, extreme political correctness, and hurt feelings that are the result of hypersensitivity. Those people bother me, and I'll admit I may have been one of those people in the past, but starting today, I'm going full speed ahead away from that mindset.

I would love some comments on this post.

_______
*Oh no I may have unknowingly grouped people together who are actually different. Man I'm such an ass. How inconsiderate of me!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

It feels like only yesterday...psh, who am I kidding?

I opened the page to post an entry and I just wanted to hug all the html that I've missed in the past six weeks. Luckily it's difficult to get too mushy with digital things, or I'd have shorted out my laptop. It didn't kill me to give up all of these things I love doing, and I only messed up a couple times (commented on other journals), but I really wasn't tempted like I thought I would be, so I'm proud of myself for that.

But now I'm back and you'll never get rid of me. Mwahaha!



While I was gone, I made a carrot cake. What did you do?